i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Pooping to opera.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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