And the cops told us we were all naked.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Randomize
