I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
