I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
