wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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