dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
