i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Randomize
