remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Randomize
