Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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