I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Randomize
