What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
