is your mom at the bar?
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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