So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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