ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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