is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Randomize
