I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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