You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
