you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
