Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
