I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
