I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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