Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
