kristin has been a bad kristin
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
