Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
