the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
