it was like his penis was on wheels.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
