Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
