Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
is it fun? or sober?
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
