I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
