He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
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