I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Randomize
