Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.