lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
please come you make the beer taste better
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed