Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
