guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
