i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
