she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
