I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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