Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
