my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
