if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
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