you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
