You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Hello my rib-scented angel!
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
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