Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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