I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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