i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
