I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
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