yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
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I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
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His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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