Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
