If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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