My room smells like vodka and shame
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Randomize
