I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize
