Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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