she takes plan B like it's going out of style
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Randomize
