you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
