Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
