she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Randomize
