She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
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the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
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You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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