someone threw a dead crab at me
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
