have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Randomize
