Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I just cut my nipple shaving
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
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