Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
