corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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