the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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