How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
