my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
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