the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
