don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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