my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
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