I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Fuck appropriateness.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
