This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
