At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
