I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Randomize
