That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
