oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
