There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
