Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I supernannyed him into submission
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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