My first STD was from a foam party
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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