He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
