Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
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yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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