obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
