Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
i drank out of a bidet.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
