sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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