FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Randomize
