Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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